So last Friday at bible study there was an interesting topic that I could totally relate to. How has your father/father figure affected your life?
Our leader shared his story and a book that he was studying. The book stated that if you didn't have a father who was loving and encouraging, it could impact how you think of yourself now. Our leader had a father who up and left their family for another woman and moved across country. He didn't have a relationship with him for about 20 years. He struggles with insecurities big time. He never thinks that anything he does is good enough and he constantly worries about what people think of him. It's unreal really, he's the nicest guy possible and wouldn't hurt a fly.
Why am I talking about him you might ask? Well, I feel the same way! If someone calls or emails me that we need to talk and they don't tell me what it's about, I immediately think that I've done something wrong and I'm worrying about usually nothing until the talk takes place. I constantly worry about what people think about me, if I see someone and they don't speak to me then I immediately wonder what I might have done wrong. It's silly at times, but I'm a very anxious/worrisome person.
I don't think that improving my relationship with my dad now will help me with all of that. It's probably ingrained in me; but I'm thinking about it. It's not as if I don't already try but I think I could put a little more effort into it. It's sad but true that I struggle at times with just making father's day and birthday phone calls.
This is exactly one of the main reasons that I encourage our boys and constantly show and tell them how much I love them! My husband isn't as good with the verbalizing as I would like but he tries when I point certain things out. He is very active in their lives and that's something I didn't have so it's a plus. It's also why I feel so strongly about keeping my family together.
Just something that's on my mind and I'm going to continue thinking on it. Family members - no need to comment unless you want to. I'm not trying to start drama, just wanted to share my personal thoughts and struggles. It's all about learning and growing!
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10 comments:
hello sis. good for you for putting the honesty out there. :)
i can relate in some ways. this anxiety is in me too. i just laugh it off as being OCD. i think that is why i am a compulsive planner and organizer because i need to feel in control of something. ha ha. (or at least that is my rationalization)
i have learned with maintaining friendships that i am more prone to being friends with males than females and if they are females, they have to be the dominant one in the beginning or i let it fizzle out. why? i don't know. i think some of it comes from childhood and really "needing" someone to need me back so I would cling to one friend alone and forget the others. a friend once told me that i did this years ago and it has been something i still struggle with today. how odd these things are. mom even made a comment last weekend that i wear my emotions on my shoulders. AND I AM SURE I DO (Damn it! Even when I try to hide it). maybe this comes from trying to please others to feel self-worth. (deep huh?) :)
as far as father figures, i think all people that help influence your most sensitive molding (when you are young) leave footprints in your making and everything thereafter will be a struggle. and what is it that we always want more than ever with our children.. to be better parents than our parents were. and i am put at ease hoping that they wanted the same thing. you are doing a fantastic job with your family woman and i look up to you guys a lot. i love you lady!
Wow, Shell! Deep, really deep but oh so true! At times I wish I was the type of person that could just say, "Screw it, I don't give a flying leap what you think!" At times I've tried to say it but inside I do really care what others think or how they feel.
Plus, I'm so anti-confrontational that I don't even want to go there sometimes so that makes me always the conformist who will materialize into whatever I need to in those situations. It feels fake at times and untrue to myself.
Thanks for your insight honey and your kind words! Love ya!
I can hide my feelings but do really care what people think of me too. Love both you guys!
Love ya too Steph!
GIRLS!! THE 3 OF YOU ARE THE MOST VERY SPECIAL THING THAT MY FAMILY HAS GOING FOR IT. (BESIDE ALL THE BEAUTIFUL KIDS YOU ALL HAVE). YOU HAVE ALL 3 COME SO FAR WITH YOUR OWN FAMILIES AND HUSBANDS, JOBS, ETC. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR CREATING A LIVE OF YOUR OWN AND THAT IN IT'S OWN IS TELLING PEOPLE "THIS IS THE WAY IT IS". BEING HONEST IS A VERY HARD THING TO DO. I RESPECT YOU ALL FOR SAYING HOW YOU FEEL. THAT IS A HUGE STEP TO BEING AN INDIVIDUAL. YOU ALL SHOULD STAY CLOSE AS SISTERS AND CHERISH THAT. I MISS OUT ON THAT. LOVE ALL 3 OF YOU AND KNOW I'M ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU.
LOVE,
SISSY
Love you too Sissy. You made me tear up.
Sissy - you are the best! I don't think I've told you this before but I talk about it a bunch with Shelly.
You are the closest (extended) family member to me of them all! I just want to say thank you for always being a part of my life. You've been there ever since I can remember and I know that at times it could have been hard with distance and what not.
I love you to pieces and appreciate you always being there for me. I know that I don't call much but if for some reason I did ever need something I know that I could always ask.
You are the best Aunt in the world! Only hope that I can strive to be the same.
Thanks for your awesome words Sissy! We love you very much and I will always have GREAT memories of swimming at your house and when that bulldozer or whatever fell on the front of the Peltier car we were in. Rememeber that? I still tell that story. ha ha!
As far as for me, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, but often come off as a bi---. Yeah, even Jon said he thought I was one when he met me. Hee..hee.. You should hear my co-workers. They joke that I am a "VERY DIRECT and they would NEVER want me as their boss AS I WOULD RIDE THEIR ASS all day." Ha Ha. Oh, the truth in that! Maybe I should be P.Diddy's Asst. Ha Ha!
Love you all! -Shelly
I remember the dump truck thing too. I remember all of it. It was raining and we were in the turn lane to go down 155 off the loop and the truck came up next to us and tried to stop and hydroplained and hit the back of the car. I remember we pulled into the gas station and sissy called the car dealership cause it was a loaner car and she thought they'd be mad. HA! The things that I remember.
I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE BULL DOZER HITTING ALL OF US. YA'LL ARE RIGHT, THE THINGS WE ALL REMEMBER. HA! LOVE YOU ALL.
SISSY
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